To love a pirate

I'm not the easiest person to let into your heart...
I raped his love. I pilaged his heart. I tried to bury him where nobody else would look. I wasn't ready to enjoy my treasure so I sailed far away and left him stranded.
You see, a pirate's life is a lonely one. Nobody ever taught me about what to do when a person is my treasure. I grew up only understanding what materials were important and feelings were never talked about. When I discovered this amazing feeling that I've learned to call love, I wanted to keep it a secret. Every time I'd ever discovered something that felt valuable, I'd learned to hide it away as not to alert others of my posession so they may try to steal it. I didn't know you can't put a feeling in your pocket-- since it doesn't really belong to you.
So he took it back.
I miss my precious jewel.
I asked if I could hold it again... he said he'd think about it... and then he held me.

untitled

I've torn through the woods
Combed the deserts
Rummaged through sale racks
Searching...

My eyes and ears have always been perked.
Where's my holywood romance??

I can buy a dress that I think looks amazing when I'm in the dressing room... and then when I wear it the next day, I'll check out the girl at the end of the bar and wish I'd found what she's wearing... forgetting that I thought I looked great until I checked her out :-/

Never quite satisfied.
Constant comparison.
Taking it all for granted.

Once... I looked all over the house for (I'm not exagerating) an HOUR looking for a t-shirt. One grey tshirt with a skater on it... I drove myself nuts looking for it. After what felt like forever, I finally realized that I already had it on - just under a sweatshirt.

HOLY fK WADS Prince Charming is coming to dinner??? Clean up! I have to look good... So, I wait for hours... you sit there on the couch shaking your head.
Wait... are you?
Shit.
If only I'd had that moment where I stopped and looked under my sweatshirt...I'd have seen my heart.

It would have been a lovely evening

A perfect teal cylinder
Smoothly covered in soft icing
I thought of you instantly when I saw it
I pictured us sharing bits as we sipped on ice cold milk and giggled at nonsense
The lady packaged it nicely
I brought it home and set the table
But you're not coming, are you?
Nobody is.
It's just me, and this confection
Alone, hashing out our issues
Staring at the yellow crumbs and streak of pale blue left on the cardboard, I think victory is mine!
Then I realize…
I lost.

Deadly

Lust, Gluttony, Envy
Deep desires burning within
Convinced indulgence will satisfy
Contented through sin
Relief hastily overtaken by guilt
Could remembers Should
Gorged with gaping emptiness
Negativity buffet, Fulfillment famine

The garbage man comes on Tuesdays

Sometimes I just get into a mode
I can't stop
Obsessively perfecting
I threw it away
I didn't even know it was happening
It suffocated on the plastic bag
Long before I realized my mistake
It must have been torture

Smile Sundae

I order a Smile
A bowl of hardened chocolate and carmel
Two scoops of custard
Covered with fudge, peanuts and guilt
Smooth cold swallows of creamy perfection
I lick every last taste from the plastic spoon
As I toss the clean container I stop and wonder
Where's my smile?

Please hear what I'm not saying

I stare up into an empty sky
Not a twinkle to be found
Hundreds of miles and a blanket between us
Hiding is easier than facing the fear of falling
Pt.2
Two sparks meet in a dark space
A flame ignites, briefly revealing what is there
Two empty souls lost in an empty room
Nothing to show for it but burnt sheets

My Mirror

Here I am
On my park bench.
Waiting.
Alone.
Winds get cold
Numbing the face
Tears cease
Life has become blurry
I need glasses
Am I watching a movie?
Hand outstretched
I hit something.
Cold and uninviting
I can't hide from my reflection.

Lilies

You said you liked lilies
Soft and simple.
Tiger lilies have some flare.
Orange can be harsh sometimes
It's not for everyone
Pink pettles are more friendly
Most would agree
Throw away the orange ones - they clash
Watch silently as the garbage lady drives away

Organ Donor

My ratty four door stuffed to capacity
Material possessions strategically aligned
Boxes, shipped
Everything I own fits snuggly in this car
Did I forget anything?
Clothes in suitcases
Art in boxes
Shoes in a pile behind my seat
Our dog next to me
I look down into sad amber eyes and a rush comes over me
I slam on the breaks
Tears overflow
I left my heart on the pillow.